dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
