I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
