bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.