"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens