He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol