I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
