you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.