You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
