WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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