remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
