My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
