the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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