once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
