Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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