Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She even gives head with a lisp.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
