remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I love you. Go after that dick
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
