dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
