their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
