the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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