I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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