it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
