I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
