I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
