R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
