last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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