His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
