the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
