If that was your dad, he is hot
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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