Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
