her vagine was all disorganized.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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