pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
