I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
