god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
