I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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