Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
