my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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