I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
