Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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