please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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