she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
