i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
