it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
