The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
