I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
