we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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