I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"