woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.