There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.