she was so not down for the gang bang
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.