Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
