I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize