I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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