Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
