I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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