He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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