my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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