vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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