I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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