So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
