thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
