Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
why do cheetos always look like penises
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
