party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ketchup is God's man juice
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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