the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
