her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night