im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.