ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say