not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
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His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.