Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful