I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.