my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going