you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
