I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
