And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
