I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize